Breathe in, Breathe out. Sadhguru's booming voice echoes in the back of my mind.
"Hmm last night my breathing was a bit erratic.."
Breathe in, Breathe out.
"I wonder if my breathing is always like that when I drink wine?"
Breathe in...
"Oh, I need to buy a nice bottle of wine for Linda for her birthday."
Breathe out...
"Did I even RSVP for Linda's birthday party? I better check as soon as this meditation ends."
Breathe in...
This was my meditation experience for several years but I was still proud of my ability to sit still for 15 minutes, racing thoughts be damned! Then I fell sick and the thoughts were darker, more ominous and I didn't want them intruding. In fact, I wanted those 15 minutes to be free from anger, anguish and self flagellation. I desperately needed to quieten my mind. What started out as an indulgence now became a mission. Mission impossible, frankly, as all the expert guidance failed me.
I followed the recommended “Beginner’s guide to meditation”, the “Ten steps to better meditation”, the “Three secrets of meditation”, the “Four insights to serene meditation” but nothing worked. My wayward monkey mind did what it wanted to do: run around out of control, screaming everything I didn't want to hear.
I decided I had to figure it out myself, after all we are all unique and perhaps I was truly "special" in that I needed my own set of rules and guide to meditation. After three months of trying a new trick and tactic daily I finally reached my very own nirvana, a quiet mind for a whole entire 15 minutes! Then I grew that to 20 minutes and can now easily cross 30 minutes in a blink. Here's how I did it and maybe some of these insights through trial and torture can help you too, enjoy!
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